Don’t tell me your old wives’s tales when you’re only in your 20s. Don’t tell me how to love because I will love how and who I want. Don’t tell me anything.
I forgot this tumblr existed. Whoops.
Frustration. Anxiety. These are two negative emotions that I do not want to associate with my living situation but unfortunately they have come to be associated. My roommate is intolerable. She’s a generally clean person, but her personality is fairly shitty.
I can’t use my room a lot of week nights (even when I have a midterm the next morning) because she’s in the room with her boyfriend.
She’s insufferable. Why don’t they go to his place? Why are they always here? I understand that it’s her room as well, but on that note, it is also mine.
I can’t wait to switch apartments next year. I sincerely hope I get someone nice next year.
Things I am worried about:
- Being pregnant because I am an idiot.
- Not passing 102 because I am an idiot.
- Failing math because I am still an idiot.
- My boyfriend breaking up with me because I am an idiot.
- Dropping out of college because I am an idiot.
- No one liking me because I am an idiot.
- Getting fat because I am a fat idiot.
- Being an idiot.
Trying very hard not to lose my sanity right now. I feel as if I’m going to shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Time is not on my side, and it’s fleeing from me at a fast pace. I don’t know what to do.
I thought you were good. Why do you have to do this to me? I’m more than good for you.
I have such a terrible need for selfish, all-consuming love.
I am your world and there is no one else besides me.
I want to run away from this place as fast and as far as my legs will carry me. I can feel the walls closing in and my heartbeat quickening. Someone, please come and help me forget for awhile.
I was supposed to see my old moon tonight. Oh, old moon, keep floating outward into space without me. If you were to come back, you would destroy me.
I’m missing the fog of the bay area right now - or, more specifically, Lafayette. I miss that amazing view and that stupidly long house. I had a routine there. It was not a spectacular routine, but it existed nonetheless.
I’m not sure if I miss you though. I think what I’m missing right now is the frosty air blowing through my hair as I drove back home with my music turned up high. I miss the lush green forests sprouted here and there, the soft wind that would blow through them.
I miss the old college campus that I had grown so fond of and familiar with. I miss the friends I was beginning to make there. There was a certain anticipation there, and now it is gone.
I wouldn’t live that chapter of my life again, but I do sometimes feel the urge to re-read the entire thing over again.