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I forgot this tumblr existed. Whoops.

Frustration. Anxiety. These are two negative emotions that I do not want to associate with my living situation but unfortunately they have come to be associated. My roommate is intolerable. She’s a generally clean person, but her personality is fairly shitty.

I can’t use my room a lot of week nights (even when I have a midterm the next morning) because she’s in the room with her boyfriend. 

She’s insufferable. Why don’t they go to his place? Why are they always here? I understand that it’s her room as well, but on that note, it is also mine. 

I can’t wait to switch apartments next year. I sincerely hope I get someone nice next year. 

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Things I am worried about:

  1. Being pregnant because I am an idiot.
  2. Not passing 102 because I am an idiot.
  3. Failing math because I am still an idiot.
  4. My boyfriend breaking up with me because I am an idiot.
  5. Dropping out of college because I am an idiot.
  6. No one liking me because I am an idiot.
  7. Getting fat because I am a fat idiot.
  8. Being an idiot.
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Trying very hard not to lose my sanity right now. I feel as if I’m going to shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Time is not on my side, and it’s fleeing from me at a fast pace. I don’t know what to do.

I thought you were good. Why do you have to do this to me? I’m more than good for you.

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My heart is such a fluttering mess.

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Don’t tell me your old wives’s tales when you’re only in your 20s. Don’t tell me how to love because I will love how and who I want. Don’t tell me anything.

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I have such a terrible need for selfish, all-consuming love.

I am your world and there is no one else besides me.

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I want to run away from this place as fast and as far as my legs will carry me. I can feel the walls closing in and my heartbeat quickening. Someone, please come and help me forget for awhile.

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I was supposed to see my old moon tonight. Oh, old moon, keep floating outward into space without me. If you were to come back, you would destroy me.

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I’m missing the fog of the bay area right now - or, more specifically, Lafayette. I miss that amazing view and that stupidly long house. I had a routine there. It was not a spectacular routine, but it existed nonetheless.

I’m not sure if I miss you though. I think what I’m missing right now is the frosty air blowing through my hair as I drove back home with my music turned up high. I miss the lush green forests sprouted here and there, the soft wind that would blow through them.

I miss the old college campus that I had grown so fond of and familiar with. I miss the friends I was beginning to make there. There was a certain anticipation there, and now it is gone.

I wouldn’t live that chapter of my life again, but I do sometimes feel the urge to re-read the entire thing over again.

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I miss my best friend. Looking back on old pictures of our texts kills me. We had such a special bond.

© STR-WRS